WORST. SHOW. EVER.

this was us last night.

dear seattle,
i'm sorry.
no, i really am. i know i apologized from the stage several times (which is super lame), but i am truly, madly, deeply sorry.
last night i played the worst show i have ever played. it was fucked. it was worse than that show at la sala rosa in montreal last year (which was hellishly awful). i felt like a 14 year old playing for the first time in front of people.
fuck that. i felt like a thirty year old playing songs that i've played literally hundreds of times as if i'd never heard them before, or ever played a guitar before. i wasn't even drunk.
last night after i went to bed i had nightmares about the show, it just went on and on and on and i couldn't get off the stage.
it was a bummer.
if you were at the show last night, i promise you we are not the shittiest band in the world. we are probably the fourth or fifth shittiest band in the world.
i'm just embarrassed about the whole thing. totally my fault, not the other dudes, and i apologize to them as well.
it seems like we always have a hard time in seattle, not sure why, but we do. at least i do.
anyway, no use crying over spilt milk, right? it's all in the past... now, if i can just go ahead with my life and never show my face in seattle ever again, we should be all good.

sometimes these guys sucked too.

I JUST SPRAYED COLOGNE UP MY NOSE

it was an accident and it sucks.



t dot represents. hard.

EXISTENTIAL CRISIS / PERSONAL APOCALYPSE NARROWLY AVERTED

i have had this song in my head for WEEKS.

yes my last entry was depressing.
sorry.
things got dark. things would have gotten dark for me even if every show on that tour had been awesome. it was 6 weeks, which for me is a long time to be sitting in a van.
we had fun, don't think we didn't, but it all just starts to close in on you after a while.
whining and complaining about everything is just how i make sense of the world. that's just me.
but we made it. home again, home again jiggity-jig.
tomorrow we leave again for 3 and a half weeks and i'm actually looking forward to it. go figure.
anyway, i'm not throwing in the towel yet.
there will be another ladyhawk album, and it will probably suck just as hard as this one...BUT IN A DIFFERENT WAY! just kidding, it will suck in the same way.
one great thing about this last tour was getting to know NEVA DINOVA.
we did all six weeks with those lecherous nebraskan corn-guzzlers and they are truly great. jacob bellows writes songs that girls like and then bring their boyfriends to the show and then they like the songs too. beautiful songs. AND he's fucking funny. and tough. don't fuck with him.
or this kid. props to petey "kingpin" klein. one love.