Tuesday, January 8, 2008
when you were a kid do you ever remember there being a fad or craze where kids would breathe really heavy and hyperventilate and then another kid would put pressure on their neck or chest or something and make them pass out? maybe it was just a west coast thing, but i clearly remember witnessing this phenomenon in action at parties (i use the term "party" loosely as this pertains to 10 or 11 year olds), and it really weirded me out. it's funny how kid's will do all kinds of fucked up things to get, well, fucked up. like stopping the flow of blood and oxygen to your brain until you loose consciousness. honestly, just huff some glue or gas, it's easier and you get basically the same effect with the added bonus of permanent brain damage.
have you ever fainted? it is the worst fucking feeling. everything starts to get really small and intense and dark and your ears buzz and you feel all cold and clammy, then the next thing you know you open your eyes with absolutely no idea where you are or what's going on. fun times. unfortunately, this is a sensation i know all too well. i am a fainter.
i have this thing where if i get up to pee in the middle of the night i have to be careful and sit down, otherwise it's lights out! seriously, this has happened to me many times, i have woken up on bathroom floors, in bathtubs wrapped in shower curtains, with my face smashed up against the toilet and so on. i have been to the doctor and been told that this is apparently quite common, i am in good health and have nothing to worry about. huh. anyway, i've learned it's best to just sit down.
another thing i've noticed is that i'm becoming increasingly squeemish. i never used to be this way, but now if somebody even starts to talk about broken bones or blood i start to swoon. i literally get weak in the knees. i know! what a puss, right? a guy at my work recently ripped a big chunk of skin off his hand and i had to sit down for half an hour! like an old woman! i actually feel kind of nauseous right now just thinking about it.
up until last night i thought that my "little problem" only related to the real world and actual blood and guts, but not so! last night i watched rob zombie's remake of halloween and actually started to faint! the movie itself isn't really that great, but all the stabbing? forget about it. it's fucking weird, i have seen hundreds of gory horror movies and have never felt like that before. except for maybe when i tried to watch the passion of the christ. gross. now, keep in mind i was vastly stoned at the time (actually, i think i was stoned when i watched the passion of the christ as well. not recommended.), but honestly?
i'm just glad i wasn't in the movie theater, can you imagine that? i would be the guy who fainted in the movie theater because rob zombie just brought it on too real for me. fucking beautiful.